From the Editor's Desk

Dear Member

I am getting to be very creative with my excuses for the delay in releasing this newsletter. This time I (we) have got a double reason. Firstly, we finally succumbed to the pressure of advertising and modern society and we bought ourselves a television. It actually went like this: daddy saw a real cheap VCR (R999) ... so we had to buy a TV to go along with it (another R999). Result: another drop in daddy's output. A second thing we succumbed to was the Shangai flu, which kept the family on low profile for another two weeks. So despite the fact that virtually all articles were completed in February, and the library additions in March/April, this newsletter is only hitting "the market" now... One advantage for you: your "annual membership" will last quite a bit longer than a year, in fact until you've received all four "quarterly" newsletters.

Those of you who find a letter enclosed reminding them to renew their membership are urged to do so asap: it is the only way to keep informed of our latest library additions and get some interesting reading, too. And you support the concept of shareware & public domain by ensuring the club's survival (the oldest in the country). Please be so kind to quote your old membership number that you find on the mailing label.

I hope you liked the new catalogue which you should have received about a month ago. If you did not receive the full (yellow) catalogue, please phone Farah-Deebah at 021-82.63.29 (keep your membership number ready). You can always order additional copies of the catalogue at R2,oo.

You will also find a questionnaire in the centre of this newsletter. Kindly take a few minutes of your time to complete it and send it off with your next order. We'll publish the results in the next newsletter (unless they're so negative that...).

Bye for now, thanks again for your valued support and enjoy reading this newsletter!

Anneke (& Jean-Paul) Van Belle.

Table of Contents

Editorial .................................. 1

Using SHELL and LASTDRIVE .................. 2

Parameter Passing (in Pascal) .............. 7

Diagnosing RAM Parity Errors ............... 9

South African Bulletin Board Numbers ....... 11

One-liners for Entertainers ................ 13

Shareware "Starter Set" .................... 17

JSE Questionnaire ........................ centre

Run Length Limited Coding (RLL) ............ 18

The Library Additions ...................... ommitted

Using SHELL and LASTDRIVE

by Mark S Cathcart

In an effort to organize my IBM PC XT/370 and its hard disks as well as to ease the pains of changing from version to version of MS-DOS I have spent some time digging into MS-DOS and some of its standard features.

What follows are a number of well known MS-DOS tips as well as some undocumented features of some of the MS-DOS components and some uses that may not have been thought of. I am not trying to tell you how to organize your PC but rather suggest a few things you might consider.

"TRUE REFINEMENT SEEKS SIMPLICITY"

I will be discussing the following topics: CONFIG.SYS - SHELL,LASTDRIVE COMMAND.COM PATHing SUBST command CHDIR command The MS-DOS PROMPT ANSI.SYS BAT files Environment Area

CONFIG.SYS ----------

Two important parameters are found in this file (in terms of this discussion !) they are SHELL= and LASTDRIVE= . I will discuss them in reverse order.

LASTDRIVE= was added in MS-DOS 3.1 as part of the PC Network support. You can specify the drive letter representing the last drive you wish to access. The importance of this parameter in this discussion is that it gives us the ability to access upto 21 logical disk drives via the SUBST command.

Format: LASTDRIVE=n:

where n: is drive A:-Z:

Remarks: There seems to be no restriction on the coding of this parameter, you can specify Z: even if you have only one diskette drive. VM/PC users should be aware however that you should not go beyond the letter O: otherwise you will experience un-predictable results. This has been reported to IBM and has been closed as SUGGESTION for FUTURE IMPROVEMENT.

SHELL= This parameter tell MS-DOS where to find COMMAND.COM . It is generally believed that this file has to reside in the root directory of the disk that is booted from, not so. There have also been a number of documents/programs showing methods of enlarging the MS-DOS environment area. At best some of these are risky, at worst they are down-right dangerous. You can via the SHELL= parameter change the size of the environment area as needed.

Format: SHELL=[n:][path]filename.ext [n:][path] /D /P /F /E:nn

Remarks: The first dive-path-filename.ext tells the system where to find the initial copy of COMMAND.COM to load.

The second drive-path tells the system where to find the COMMAND.COM to reload when required.

/D parameter tells MS-DOS not to executes the AUTOEXEC.BAT file at BOOT up time.

/P parameter tells MS-DOS to make the substitution permanent.

/F parameter tells MS-DOS to skip the response to the interrupt 24H handler message ABORT,RETRY or IGNORE .

/E parameter tells MS-DOS how many paragraphs to set aside for the environment area. This can be between 10 and 62. The Default is /E:10

With the addition of a carefully coded SHELL= statement in the CONFIG.SYS file we can now put all files for a given version of MS-DOS into a separate sub directory. This is with the exclusion of the IBM BIOS/DOS files, which are created by the SYS command or FORMAT with with /S parameter.

Also now the drive that you are booting from does not have to contain the COMMAND.COM file.

So much for CONFIG.SYS, depending on your level of PC knowledge by now you are either bored,confused or want to know more. Stick with me.

"NO MAN IS USELESS, HE CAN ALWAYS SERVE AS A BAD EXAMPLE"

A habit that almost all hard-disk drive users have is to keep their files in sub-directories according to file type/use . This can be very helpful when trying to locate a file (or program), keeping multiple copies of files and even to some extent protecting files from prying eyes.

One difficult part of doing this is accessing these files easily and being able to execute the programs without typing extensive and lengthy path names. One way of executing the programs is to code the sub-directory names in the PATH statement.

There is (obviously ??) a problem with this though, you can only have one PATH statement, that PATH statement can only be 127 characters in length. I soon exceeded that.

Assume for 1 minute that you have some directories named as follows:

C:\DOS31

C:\PROGRAMS

C:\PROGRAMS\BAT-AIDS

C:\PROGRAMS\PASCAL

C:\PROGRAMS\PASCAL\SOURCE

C:\PROGRAMS\PASCAL\TUTOR

C:\PROGRAMS\NEWPROGS

C:\PROGRAMS\OLDPROGS

C:\PROGRAMS\PC-GAMES (yes, I do have a few.)

C:\COMMS

C:\COMMS\XTALK35

C:\COMMS\PC-TALK

I have these and many others on the C: disk alone not to mention the D: disk or any others I may be using. A quick glance should tell you that you cannot possibly PATH to all these subdirectories, let alone any more. Or can you ?

As described above you can use the SHELL= parameter to specify upto 26 drive letters that need not all exist. When used with the SUBST command this can be a powerful tool. Lets take a look at the SUBST command.

SUBST n: [n:][path]

n: is a drive that you dont really have hardware for.

[n:][path] is a disk subdirectory that will be searched when you specify n:

For example: In the above list of directories the C:\PROGRAMS directory is referenced a great deal, we could code that:

SUBST P: C:\PROGRAMS

If we then do a DIR P: all the files in that directory will be listed. Also the PATH command can now be coded as PATH=P:;P:\BAT-AIDS;P:\PASCAL............ etc. This avoids needless repetition and allows to a greater number of sub directories within the PATH command.

With this method I PATH to 32 directories that all have meaningful names. And this leaves my root directory to be used for data files only.

This only presents one problem, getting to the subdirectories when you want to access the files or do some kind of maintenance to them. This is acheived by the CHDIR command in MS-DOS. To get to the subdirectory that contains the source for my PASCAL programs I would enter CHDIR C:\PROGRAMS\PASCAL\SOURCE which can be a pain if done often.

PC Magazine Volume 4 Number 16 carried an article in its user-to-user column describing BATMAKER.BAS a BASIC program that created bat files with the name of the last subdirectory in a given path.

From the above example C:\PROGRAMS\PASCAL\SOURCE could be goto by typing SOURCE . My implementation OF BATMAKER can be found on the ISA-PC RBBS. Mine differs from the one in PC-Magazine in two ways; one it is executed from a BAT file that always issues "CHKDSK / V | FIND "Dir" > TEMPFILE" and two all the BAT files are kept in another subdirectory so that they can be erased before each run of BATMAKER.

If you are an MS-DOS expert by the time you reach this point you will trying to decide if you should read any more or quit, to you I say

"PATIENCE IS NOT PASSIVE, ON THE CONTRARY, IT IS CONCENTRATED STRENGTH"

Another hassle when working with many subdirectories is knowing which one you are in. The following example of the PROMPT command will solve this for you and it will also show you how to set the SCREEN attributes in a way that they will be reset following exit from a program (not always the case in standard MS-DOS!!).

PROMPT $e[1mReady$e[0m($e[7m$p$e[0m)$e[1m;$d / $t$h$h$h$e[0m$_ ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- ----- The $p will display the current directory the $d causes the date to be shown the $t causes the time to be shown

Most of that should be old hat to you right ?? The rest of the information not under-lined is makes the PROMPT a little prettier(?). The data under-lined represents escape sequences used to set the color and highlighting each time the PROMPT is displayed.

I only have a Mono-chrome monitor and thus have not tested but believe the following codes to be true:

$e[0m = Normal $e[1m = Highlight $e[7m = Reverse video $e[4m = Underline $e[5m = Blink $e[8m = Dark(invisible) $e[30m= Black

$e[31m= Red $e[32m= Green $e[33m= Yellow $e[34m= Blue $e[35m= Magenta $e[36m= Cyan $e[37m= White You will be able to do much more than this but its upto you to test which you find best, the escape sequences are valid upto 49 I think. Note that to make use of these escape sequences you must include DRIVER=[n:][path]ANSI.SYS in the CONFIG.SYS file.

And now before you go let me quickly talk about BAT files.

BAT FILES ----------

These are a few simple tips on writing BAT files, the format and operational characteristics of BAT commands changes from release to release. Hopefully IBM will realize that this can be an important part of MS-DOS and will stop mucking about with it, document it properly and who knows, even develop it.

Cause a blank line to be output enter "ECHO. " note that there is a period following ECHO, this will not be printed.

Test for positive condition using IF subcommand when a replaceable parameter %1 %2 %3 etc. may not have been supplied

if $%1==$START goto START

this statement will execute correctly regardless if %1 has a value or not.

Setting and retrieving information via the MS-DOS environment area. The environment area is where your PATH, PROMPT and COMSPEC values are kept and retrieved by MS-DOS. You can make use of this area as well.

To set issue SET name=value To retrieve if $%name%==$YES echo YES

Note that when you SET the value you DON NOT put it % signs but when you want to test the value you must include the name in % signs.

Unless you specifically reset the values they will last until you re-boot or power off the PC. You should also be aware that you can run out of space to set variables, this is especially true if you use any memory resident MS-DOS programs such as SIDEKICK, DOSEDIT etc. To create more space change or add the /E parameter to the SHELL= statement in your CONFIG.SYS as detailed above.

And finally, if you read all the way thru I hope you found this to be of some use, remember:

"THERE ARE FEW THINGS MORE DIFFICULT THAN THE ART OF MAKING ADVICE AGREEABLE."

Boyle's Laws: 1) The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination. 2) When things are going well, someone will inevitably experiment detrimentally. 3) The deficiency will never show itself during the dry runs. 4) Information travels more surely to those with a lesser need to know. 5) An original idea can never emerge from committee in the original. 6) When the product is destined to fail, the delivery system will perform perfectly. 7) The crucial memorandum will be snared in the out-basket by the paper clip of the overlying correspondence and go to file. 8) Success can be insured only by devising a defense against failure of the contingency plan. 9) Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects. 10) If not controlled, work will flow to the competent man until he submerges. 11) The lagging activity in a project will invariably be found in the area where the highest overtime rates lie waiting. 12) Talent in staff work or sales will recurringly be interpreted as managerial ability. 13) The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his subordinates' premonitions only during the postmortems. 14) Clearly stated instructions will consistently produce multiple interpretations. 15) On successive charts of the same organization the number of boxes will never decrease.

Parameter Transmission (in Pascal)

by Bruce W. Miller

Trumbull PC User Group

Introduction To Parameters

A parameter is a variable that is used to pass information between different sections of a program. The different sections or "subprograms" of a program are called procedures and functions in Pascal. They are similar to BASIC subroutines and function definitions. In some versions of BASIC, information can only be passed by means of "global" variables, ones which may be used by any section of the program.

Since global variables can be altered by any section of the program, there is the possibility that a variable's value could change by mistake. For instance, two sections of the program could use the same name for different variables, which might cause unwanted and unpredictable interactions between the two sections. The use of global variables also makes it difficult to write independent modules. In modular programming, each procedure or function should have only one path for data to enter, and one path for data to leave.

Parameters help control the flow of information into and out of subprograms. Variables defined within the subprogram are termed "local" in that their value is defined and changed only within the subprogram. It is more difficult for data to become scrambled or altered by mistake by other sections of the program. Because parameters standardize the way in which data enters and leaves a subprogram, it is possible to reuse standard program modules over and over in different programs.

An identifier used when a subprogram is called is known as an "actual" parameter. An identifier used when a subprogram is defined is known as a "formal" parameter.

Pascal parameters can be input-only; data can flow in to the subprogram but cannot leave. Here is an example of a procedure declaration with a "pass by value" parameter declaration; the type "real" refers to the formal parameter "num":

procedure display(num:real); begin writeln('Your # is ',num); end;

When the procedure "display" is called, the value of the actual parameter (variable or arithmetic expression) is passed to the formal parameter "num" for use inside the procedure. For example:

display(10.0/5.0);

The value of the expression is 2.0. Parameter "num" will take on this value. Incidentally, the parameter "num"'s value can be changed locally inside the procedure without affecting any variables named "num" outside the procedure. For this reason "num" is called a "local variable".

Pascal parameters can be "input/output"; data can flow in to or out of the subprogram. Here is an example of a procedure declaration with a "pass by reference" parameter declaration (designated by "var"). The type "real" refers to the formal parameter "doubleme".

procedure twice(var doubleme:real); begin doubleme := 2.0 * doubleme; end;

When the procedure "twice" is called, the formal parameter "doubleme" stands for the actual parameter. Any modifications to "doubleme" are made to the formal parameter used when the procedure was called.

For example:

radius := 3.0 twice(radius);

The value of the actual parameter "radius" (3.0) is doubled when the formal parameter "doubleme" is doubled. This is because the formal parameter "doubleme" refers to the same place in memory as the actual parameter "radius". When passing by reference, remember that both the actual and the formal parameters must be variables.

Strings, reals, characters, integers, arrays, records and user defined types can all be passed as parameters. In some versions of Pascal even procedures and functions can be passed as parameters.

Parameters control the way data flows in and out of a subprogram allowing it to remain a self-contained module. Modular programs are easier to implement, debug and maintain than non-structured programs.

Branch's First Law of Crisis: The spirit of public service will rise, and the bureaucracy will multiply itself much faster, in time of grave national concern.

Brien's First Law: At some time in the life cycle of virtually every organization, its ability to succeed in spite of itself runs out.

Broder's Law: Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office.

Diagnosing RAM Parity Errors

This article is a brief guide on how to determine the Parity 1 and 2 errors and which chip to replace (with particular reference to the IBM PC/XT and compatibles).

Top View of system board (figure omitted)

A memory failure displays the failing address in the form of a four character alphanumeric code, followed by 201. If the first character of the four character error code is 0, 1, 2, or 3, you have a system board failure. The 0, 1, 2, or 3, indicates which bank has the failing module. The third and fourth characters of the four-character error code indicate which bit(module) of the bank failed (P,0,1,2,3,4,5,6,or 7). Error code 3040 201 Corresponds to the failing module indicated by the xxx's in bank 3 bit 6 Just before you get the PARITY ERROR 1 or 2 you will see these numbers on your upper left hand screen. Watch for them because they will be displayed VERY briefly.

The diagram on the following page shows in diagram form wherethe memory banks are located on your mother board. You will be able to reach them more easily with the cheaper "flip- top" clone boxes than in the more solid "slide-drawer" cases.

This is where the Memory chips are (figure omitted)

Brontosaurus Principle: Organizations can grow faster than their brains can manage them in relation to their environment and to their own physiology; when this occurs, they are an endangered species.

Brooks's Law: Adding manpower to a late software project makes it later.

Brooke's Law: Whenever a system becomes completely defined, some damn fool discovers something which either abolishes the system or expands it beyond recognition.

Brownian Motion Rule of Bureacracies: It is impossible to distinguish, from a distance, whether the bureaucrats associated with your project are simply sitting on their hands, or frantically trying to cover their asses. Heisenberg's Addendum to Brownian Bureaucracy: If you observe a bureaucrat closely enough to make the distinction above, he will react to your observation by covering his ass.

(Jerry) Brown's Law: Too often I find that the volume of paper expands to fill the available briefcases.

(Sam) Brown's Law: Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance.

(Tony) Brown's Law of Business Success: Our customer's paperwork is profit. Our own paperwork is loss.

Bruce-Briggs's Law of Traffic: At any level of traffic, any delay is intolerable.

Buchwald's Law: As the economy gets better, everything else gets worse.

South African Bulletin Board Numbers

As of August 1988.

So you have a modem but don't know what to do with it?

1. Beltel telephone numbers.

Pretoria.......(V23).....(012) 325-1122 Johannesburg...(V23).....(011) 405-1122/2222 Cape Town......(V23).....(021) 946-1122 (v22) 946-3390/1 Durban.........(V23).....(031) 306-1122 Port Elizabeth.(V23).....(041) 43-1122 Bloemfontein...(V23).....(051) 30-1022/30-1501 Pietermaritzburg.(v23)..(0331) 94-3322

2. South African bulletin boards

Catalyst BBS, on line 24 hours a day: 300/1200/2400 N81 Tel: 021 6892792 / 021 6863112 Extensive message base which is accessed by 1000 callers a month. Conferences, etc Largest software library in S. Africa with 260MB storage Subscription R20 monthly/R120 per annum (1988) SYSOP: MARK ALLEN

Brainwaves BBS, on line 24 hours a day: 300/1200 N81 Tel: 021 797-1696 JSE data. Weekly report. Daily JSE data for R30 P/M Up/Downloading of files, messages, etc. 70 MB storage. Subscription R30 per annum (1988) SYSOP: CHRIS CLARKE

CAPITAL COM-TECH BBS. ON LINE 24 HOURS A DAY. 300/1200 N,8,1 TEL: 012 64-6238 FREE CONFERENCING OVER 30 MB OF PD FILES FOR DOWNLOADING. DIAL IN AND BROWSE.

PRIME NET BBS PHONE (021) 5914954 PROTOCOL 300/300 8N1 OPERATES 24HR FEATURES CHATLINE,USER BBS,DOWNLOADS, UPLOADS,MESSAGES,WIDE RANGE ADVERTISING. FOR IBM'S AND COMMODORES: SYSOP:J.HENRIQUES

UNI-NET PHONE LINE 1 (011) 476 4519 LINE 2 (011) 476 4426 PROTOCOL LINE 1 300/1200 8N1 LINE 2 300/1200 8N1 OPERATES 24HR FEATURES SYSOP: DIETMAR FREY CHATLINE FOR UP TO 8 PEOPLE.

SA ECHO GATE PHONE (021) 57-1647 PROTOCOL 300 or 1200 8N1 OPERATES 24HR FEATURES Sysop: Ricky Cox Features: more than 30 conferences linked worldwide. Part of

Compulink PHONE (021) 86 3551 PROTOCOL 300, 1200, 2400 8N1 OPERATES 24HR FEATURES RBBS 40meg software, Mail

VALSOFT PHONE (031) 3048632 PROTOCOL 300 Baud 8N1 OPERATES FROM 18:00 > 07:00 FEATURES Message System / Software to download.

SOFTEL PHONE (031) 753554 PROTOCOL 300/1200 Baud 8N1 OPERATES 24HR FEATURES Running on an AMIGA.Software for IBM/C64/AMIGA to download FREE and for subscribers.Good message system.

MABBS PHONE (011) 646-0470 PROTOCOL 300/1200 N,8,1 OPERATES 24HR FEATURES APPLE BBS

THE MINT (MIcrocomputer NeTwork) PHONE (011) 485-1083 PROTOCOL 1200/300/450 8N1 OPERATES 24HRS FEATURES Over 1000 downloadable files, conferencing, doors, dating service.

NAME CBBS (Capricorn BBS) PHONE (011) 642 4694 PROTOCOL 300 8/N/1 (soon 1200/2400) OPERATES 18:00 > 23:00 FEATURES 9.Am-11pm in weekends soon Doors,IBM s/ware,mail system etc.

Capital Com-Tech PHONE (012) 64-6732 PROTOCOL 300/1200 8N1 OPERATES 21:00 > 06:00 FEATURES Sysop Geoff Dellow. Files for up & downloading,conferences. New 24hour line expected soon

COMMODORE CRAZY! PHONE LINE 1 (021) 57411 LINE 2 (021) 757411 PROTOCOL LINE 1 1200/75 VTX 7E1 LINE 2 1200/75 VTX 7E1 OPERATES 24HR FEATURES Use normal Beltel S/W to log on.Running in test stage.Will be offline from time to time

NAME GEONET MDS PHONE LINE (021) 592 2686 PROTOCOL 300 Baud / 8 N 1 OPERATES 24 HOURS FEATURES Commodore 64 software to download/ message system/ pirates section/ news/ sections for other computers

Connection 80 3 (021) 457712 8,N,1 SYSOP: Clive King No other details at present

Editor: This list dates from August 1988 - so some numbers may be inoperative by now!

Bucy's Law: Nothing is ever accomplished by a reasonable man.

Bunuel's Law: Overdoing things is harmful in all cases, even when it comes to efficiency.

Bureaucratic Cop-Out #1: You should have seen it when *I* got it.

Burns's Balance: If the assumptions are wrong, the conclusions aren't likely to be very good.

Bustlin' Billy's Bogus Beliefs: 1) The organization of any program reflects the organization of the people who develop it. 2) There is no such thing as a "dirty capitalist", only a capitalist. 3) Anything is possible, but nothing is easy. 4) Capitalism exists in one of only two states: welfare or warfare. 5) I'd rather go whoring than warring. 6) History proves nothing. 7) There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt. 8) A little humility is arrogance. 9) A lot of what appears to be progress is just so much technological rococo.

ONE-LINERS FOR ENTERTAINERS

** presented to you by Danial Monaghan. **

Editor's Warning: some people may consider certain jokes to be in bad taste, even though I deleted the best - sorry, the worst ones.

Good crowd..good crowd. I'm telling you I could use a good crowd. I'm ok now but last week I was in rough shape.. you know.

Why? I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

My father was stupid. He worked in a bank and they caught him stealing pens.

When I was born..the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father.. "I'm very sorry. We did everything we could..but he pulled through."

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend.

My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up.

I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.

Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt because he leaves a pyramid in every room.

What a dog I got. His favorite bone is in my arm!

I worked in pet store and people kept asking how big I'd get.

One year they wanted to make me poster boy.. for birth control.

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent back a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof!

My uncle's dying wish was to have me sitting on his lap. He was in the electric chair.

I went to a phreak show and they let me in for nothing.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning!

Once when I was lost.. I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him.."Do you think we'll ever find them." He said.."I don't know kid.. there are so many places they can hide."

I remember I was so depressed I was going to jump out a window on the tenth floor.. so they sent a priest up to talk to me. He said.."On your mark..."

On Halloween..the parents send their kids out looking like me.

Last year.. one kid tried to rip my face off!

Now it's different.. when I answer the door the kids hand me candy.

When my old man wanted sex.. my mother would show him a picture of me.

I had a lot of pimples too. One day I fell asleep in a library. I woke up and a blind man was reading my face.

My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next tuesday.

One time I went to a hotel. I asked the bellhop to handle my bag. He felt up my wife!

It's tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips..yet she won't drink from my glass!

Last week my tie caught on fire. Some guy tried to put it out with an axe!

For two hours..some guy followed me around with a pooper scooper.

I met the surgeon general. He offered me a cigarette!

This morning when I put on my under wear I could hear the Fruit of the Loom guys laughing at me.

A travel agent offered me a 21 day special. He told me I would fly from New York to London. Then from Tokyo back to New York.I asked him.. "How am I supposed to get from London to Tokyo?" He told me.."That is why we give you 21 days."

Another travel agent told me I could spend 7 nights in Hawaii. No days.. just nights.

My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutly no good.

At christmas time I sat on santa's lap. His fly was open. Boy..what a present he gave me!

My sex life is terrible. My wife put a mirror over the dogs bed.

Actually she did put the mirror over our bed. She says she likes to watch herself laugh.

I'm a bad lover. Once I caught a peeping tom booing me.

My wife only has sex with me for a purpose. Last night she used me to time an egg.

I asked my wife if she would put out the garbage. She said.."Why should I.. you never put out for me."

I asked her if she enjoys a cigarette after sex.She said.."No.. one drag is enough."

I got myself good this morning too. I did my push ups in the nude..but I didn't see the mouse trap.

A girl phoned me and said.."Come on over there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home!

A hooker once told me she had a headache.

I went to massage parlor. It was self service.

My only thrill is self inflicted hickies.

If it weren't for pick-pocketers i'd have no sex life at all.

I was making love to this girl and she started crying. I said.."Are you going to hate yourself in the morning?" She said.. "No.. I hate myself now."

She was no bargain either. She showed up with pigtails under her arms.

She was fat and ugly. She was so fat that... - She got on the scale and a card came out saying.. "One at a time." - Her bath tub has stretch marks. - Her belly button makes an echo. - She has her own postal code. - She wears a "CROSS YOUR THIGHS" bra. - She has a dress with a sign on the back saying.. "Caution wide load." - Her clothes are made by Omar the tent maker. - When guys have sex with her they ask for directions. - One day I ran into her with my car. She asked me why I didn't ride around her. I told her that I didn't think I had enough gas. - Her bikini is made out of two bed sheets. - When guys eat her out they ask for provisions for the trip. - Her mother ripped when she had her. - She uses a septic tank for a toilet. She was so ugly that... - She was known as a two bagger. That's when a girl is so ugly that you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks. - I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was the hair on her legs. - I took her to a dog show and she won first prize. - They use her in prisons to cure sex offenders. - I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her. - She looks like she came second in a hatchet fight! - The last time I saw a mouth like hers it had a hook on the end of it. - She has a face like a saint. A saint bernard!

I was tired one night and I went to the bar to have a few drinks. The bartender asked me.. "What'll you have?" I said.."surprise me." He showed me a naked picture of my wife.

During sex my wife always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.

My marriage is on the rocks again. Yeah..my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.

One day..as I came home early from work..I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy.."Hey buddy..why are you doing that for?" He said.. "Because you came home early."

I went to look for a used car. I found my wife's dress in the back seat!

Once in a restuarant I made a toast to her.."The best woman a man ever had." The waiter joined me.

Its been a rough day. I got up this morning..put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom!

I had a problem. I tried group sex. Now I have a new problem...I don't know who to thank!

My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette. We passed around six girls and one of them had VD.

I went to see my doctor.. you know him.. Doctor Vidi-boom-ba? Yeah..I told him once.. "Doctor.. every morning when I get up and look in the mirror..I feel like throwing up; what's wrong with me?" He said.."I don't know but your eyesight is perfect."

I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. He told me to have a few drinks and get some rest.

I told him I think my wife has VD. He gave himself a shot of penicillin.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. He told me to wear a brown necktie.

He found a new way to cover up his bad breath...he holds up his arms.

Why every time he smokes..he blows onion rings.

My physchiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him.. "If you don't mind I'd like a second opion. "He said.."Alright..you're ugly too."

I was so ugly..my mother used to feed me with a sling shot!

When I was born the doctor took one look at my face...turned me over and said.. "Look...twins!"

Butler's Law of Progress: All progress is based on a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.

Bye's First Law of Model Railroading: Anytime you wish to demonstrate something, the number of faults is proportional to the number of viewers.

Bye's Second Law of Model Railroading: The desire for modeling a prototype is inversely proportional to the decline of the prototype.

SHAREWARE "STARTER SET"

Someone suggested a "starter set" of public domain/shareware programs for new users who might otherwise be overwhelmed by the abundance of software. Here is a starting point. The idea is to give someone who just bought a new computer enough software to cover all of the basic functions and minimize the amount of learning of DOS required. DOS Shell: Automenu (applications menu program) [1541]

Database: PC-FILE (structured) [537; 1754/6 or 1387/9]

Word Processing: PC-Write (full-function word processor) [1532/4]

Resident desktop: PC-DeskMates (calendar, calculator, notepad, etc.) [709]

[Ed.: I'd recommend Homebase, 1124/6, although more difficult to set up.]

Graphics:

Picture Graphics (general picture drawing) [65]

Draftsman (business graphics) [581/2; 1656/8]

Finance:

Accounting: PC-GL/PC-AR (small business/personal) [1404]

Personal Finance Manager (personal) [462]

Analysis: Finance 1 & II [487]

Stock tracking: ?

Communications:

PCTC or Qmodem or PibTerm [Ed.: I'd suggest PROCOMM, 1824]

LUE ; PKXARC [1674]

List of BBS's [Ed.: included in this newsletter]

Small spreadsheet: Turbo-Calc [570] or PC-Calc [1199/1201]

[Ed.: I strongly recommend the shareware clone of the industry standard 1-2-3, As-Easy-As, 1889]

Editor's additions.

Educational:

Management Mentor [1888 or 1325];

Computing Tutorial [1617 or 1618];

Lotus tutor [1728/9 or 1384/5];

Touch-typing tutor [1616 or 1248];

DOS Help [1202 or 1240];

NIMONIK [1602].

Utilities:

Small utilities collection [e.g. 1697, 1315 or 176] and some hard disk utilities [e.g. 1686/7 or 1203/4].

Also select something that sounds interesting from the sections health [1567?], home management [1708?], integrated package the SlicWorks [1371], and maybe some fun & games. I would also recommend that you learn one programming language (structured basic or C or Pascal).

RUN LENGTH LIMITED CODING (RLL)

Sparta PCBoard Hard Disk Conference Technical Bulletin

In a Winchester disk drive, data is recorded along a disk track by generating changing magnetic fields. Data is detected (read) by sensing the presence or absence of transitions between these fields. Recording density is limited by how closely these magnetic fields (flux reversals) can be placed on a given track.

Bit density is a somewhat different matter. Depending on the encoding technique, a given number of flux reversals may represent fewer or more bits.

Run Length Limited (RLL) data encoding affords an improvement in bit density over the single density encoding of Frequency Modulation (FM) and double density encoding of Modified Frequency Modulation (MFM). This is achieved by representing a given bit stream with fewer flux reversals.

Both FM and MFM defind a bit as having both a clock and data component. FM writes both a clock bit and a data bit for logical ones only. MFM writes data flux reversals for one bits but removes all clock bits except between consecutive zeros.

RLL has nothing resembling clock and data bits, rather it turns data patterns indo code patterns. Any binary data string can be broken up into combinations of just seven code patterns as shown below in Table A. RLL offers the best trade-off between flux reversals and bit density and is used internally on the data channel on some of the currently manufactured high capacity drives.

If we could graphically represent the evolution of FM through MFM, and finally to RLL, you could see that RLL represents the best of both worlds... minimum flux reversals with maximum bit density. We could show you that the minimum time between flux reversals using RLL is the same as when using MFM. Thus, the capacity and data are increased by 50% without increasing track flux density.

Table A: RLL Codes for Binary Data Binary Data RLL Code 11 1000 10 0100 000 100100 001 001000 010 000100 0110 00100100 0111 00001000

Table B: Comparison; FM, MFM, RLL 2,7

FM MFM RLL Capacity (MBytes unformatted) 43 86 129 Data Transfer Rates (MHZ) 2.5 5.0 7.5 Data Window (nsec/bit) 400 200 133

This data taken from a technical bulletin provided from Toshiba America.

Cahn's Axiom (Allen's Axiom): When all else fails, read the instructions.

Calkin's Law of Menu Language: The number of adjectives and verbs that are added to the description of a menu item is in inverse proportion to the quality of the resulting dish.

John Cameron's Law: No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.

Camp's Law: A coup that is known in advance is a coup that does not take place.

Campbell's Law: Nature abhors a vacuous experimenter.

Canada Bill Jones's Motto: It's morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.

Canada Bill Jones's Supplement: A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Cannon's Cogent Comment: The leak in the roof is never in the same location as the drip.

Cavanaugh's Postulate: All kookies are not in a jar.

Law of Character and Appearance: People don't change; they only become more so.

Checkbook Balancer's Law: In matters of dispute, the bank's balance is always smaller than yours.

Cheops's Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.

Chili Cook's Secret: If your next pot of chili tastes better, it probably is because of something left out, rather than added.

Chisholm's First Law and Corollary: see Murphy's Third and Fifth Laws.

Chisholm's Second Law: When things are going well, something will go wrong. Corollaries: 1) When things just can't get any worse, they will. 2) Anytime things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.

Chisholm's Third Law: Proposals, as understood by the proposer, will be judged otherwise by others. Corollaries: 1) If you explain so clearly that nobody can misunderstand, somebody will. 2) If you do something which you are sure will meet with everyone's approval, somebody won't like it. 3) Procedures devised to implement the purpose won't quite work. 4) No matter how long or how many times you explain, no one is listening.

The First Discovery of Christmas Morning: Batteries not included.

Churchill's Commentary on Man: Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on as though nothing has happened.